The written pieces for one of the wall hangings are here. Numbers correspond to the position on the hanging.
1. Dusti Lynne Morton
Depression Lies
“Hi! My name is Dusti. I live in Portage, Michigan,
in the United States.
I started having panic attacks, night terrors, and
struggling with depression in my early 20s. At my worst, I was having attacks
several times a week. It was crippling. Embarrassing. So hard to explain to
people around me. I didn’t have a lot of support beyond the suggestion to try
medication; after trying Xanax and
watching other people go through hell on various medication cocktails, I
refused, and personally it frustrates me that ‘get medicated’ is the strongest,
and often the only, option offered to people. Instead, I use my anxiety as a
barometer of sorts, paying attention to my stress levels and focusing on ways
to handle everyday stresses and responsibilities in a practical way so that I’m
not overwhelmed by them. Depression is trickier. I use chiropractic care,
supplements, daylight bulbs, exercise, cross stitch, and gardening… and I try
very hard to pay attention to things that indicate depression is rearing its
ugly head. Personally, I find that it can be insidiously sneaky.
My depression and anxiety are a part of my everyday
life. Usually they’re under control, but when they’re not, I’ve lost jobs
because of it. I’ve been open about these issues with my friends and within my
social media circles. I’ve had friends tell me not to do this, that it could
affect my ability to find work. I’ve had people tell me, “I wouldn’t hire you
if I knew this about you.”
That’s one of the reasons I wanted to be involved in
the Stitching Out Stigma project. We live in a stressful world. I think it’s
more unusual to NOT struggle with anxiety/stress/depression than it is to live
with the diagnosis. And so I do not think we should be judged (or further
limited!) for the things we are trying to control.
There are lots of people online that are discussing
anxiety and depression in blogs and in comics. That’s very helpful because not
only does it help us to not feel alone, it also gives us a way to communicate
to our loved ones what is going on inside our brains. “Here, read this. This is
what it’s like to be me.” In my case, the writer that has most helped me help
my loved ones to understand me better has been Jenny Lawson (aka “The
Bloggess”). My square includes the message she uses in social media: Depression
Lies. Truer words were never Twittered. J
My final project is not as easy to read as I’d
hoped, but I think it gets the idea across that depression can spiral around
and sometimes be hard to identify.
The border on my square came from a freebie pattern
created by Kell Smurthwaite and Kincavel Krosses. The font for “Depression
Lies” came from Pinterest. The font for the lettering in green was created by
me.”
3. R.E.
“Mental health is a subject that is very important
to me both on a creative and personal level. I have suffered from depression
and anxiety for ten years, and as an artist my work explores mental illness and
the emotions and thoughts that are difficult to put into words alone. I
specialise in painting and drawing however I have recently began creating
embroidery/stitch artwork – a technique I find to be very therapeutic. My
design is a visual depiction of depression and the emotional effect on the
individual.”
8. Hayley McCulloch
“When I was 19, I was diagnosed with social anxiety
and depression, and my self-esteem has always been cripplingly low. Growing up,
I was the quiet child, the shy child – but I was the good child. Good at
school, non-rebellious, a goody-two-shoes. It became expected of me that I
would be as close to perfect as I could be. If I failed, even in a small way,
it would never been forgotten, nor forgiven.
Having an invisible illness, I can be seen as rude
or insensitive when I find it difficult to talk to people. Stepping outside of
the house feels like climbing a mountain. People tell me they understand,
because they’re shy too, and that I just need to get out in the world because
it’ll do my confidence the world of good.
My square represents how I feel when I’m weighed
down by my anxiety. I feel restrained by the possibilities of disappointing
people, terrified of making a mistake. In the past, I’ve done what people have
wanted me to do, I’ve tried my best, and I’ve come out of it feeling worse. But
I can’t show it, because it will disappoint them, or they’ll think that I just
didn’t try hard enough.
It’s a difficult cycle to break.”
9. Maureen Beachy
“I host a weekly crafts afternoon at my home in
France. One of the group recently brought along someone new - Catherine Penny
(Holden) who lives in Orbinany Cebne region. Catherine asked if there was
anyone in the group who did cross stitch - I held up my work in response (all
the other are knitters)
Catherine explained the project and I said I’d be
delighted to participate - any excuse to stitch!
I have never suffered from severe depression myself
(apart from mild post-natal after the birth of my third child) but I have
several friends who suffer long-term depression, for which they are on
medication. Two of my children suffer from mild depression periodically. At the
moment I have a lot of sadness, having lost my youngest sister to a very
aggressive brain tumour that she wasn’t aware of - she died 6 weeks after
diagnosis exactly 4 months later, my mother died.
I have always been a fairly positive person, not
taking setbacks/knocks in a 'why me' fashion. I know that I have been very
lucky in my life - foremost is having a wonderful, supportive family.
My sister’s death has made me take stock of life and
I now feel I need to get on with doing things I want to do - I feel I owe it to
her to live what life I have.
I have been cross stitching since I was 15 (nearly
45 years ago J) and I find it so
relaxing. I love doing quilt block designs in miniature and the 'Tree of life'
design just seemed appropriate for this project. To fill out the design, I
added the extra border with random words I chose for their importance to me.
My positivity in life is not just due to my
wonderful parents and upbringing, but also to the serenity and calm nature of
my husband Caloin, whose family were old order Amish in the USA.
I wish you luck with the project and hope you get a
good response."
11. Katrina Harris
“I took up cross-stitching in a bid to remain sane whilst
training as an Art Psychotherapist
over the past three years.
Stitching out Stigma has been a great initiative for those
suffering with mental health issues - unleashing my own 'Black Dog' stitch
amongst others personal works has opened up discussion about living
with depression both within this support network and with friends.
I now work as an Art Therapist for children with mental
health issues and am dedicated to helping others gently acknowledge their own
demons whilst no longer denying my own.
Thank you to Sam Lunn for the words.”
13. Natalie McCulloch
"I have chosen one of my
favourite quotes, which during an admission to a specialist mental health unit,
one of my friends/fellow 'inmates' had told me and displayed on a canvas to
remind others of its truth. "Boats are safe in the harbour, but that’s not
where boats belong". Meaning, in my mind, that sometimes our 'comfort
zone/safety zones’ feel safe because of the familiarity of it, but sadly unless
we 'push them' or challenge ourselves, we don’t learn our capabilities or our
potential, we don't experience, experiment or live. But it’s not easy, as
anyone who has tried will know, to opt for a challenge as opposed to a
familiarity. To push ourselves, when we could remain contently 'bobbing along'.
In my struggles with anorexia
recovery, my harbour may feel safe (i.e. if I restrict/use coping
mechanisms/stick to safe routines or foods and avoid treatment or weight gain)
but it may lead to my demise. But the stormy sea looks rough and filled with
challenging obstacles not for the faint-hearted (i.e. weight gain, physical
discomfort and mental torture, lengthy treatments, facing truths, boredom,
fear). It’s no wonder I don't want to enter it when the harbour is so safe.
But, from entering it before, as long as it’s in 'manageable stages' and
possible (similar to Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development where the learner
is encouraged within a zone which is set slightly higher than their current
level of achievement, but not so high as to be unattainable), great rewards can
eventually come about. Goals can be attained. Challenges can be faced and
overcome.
The images around the edge show
some important things to remember –
- Finding your own direction -
doing it for myself, not being 'led by others' or feeling my pathway is less
'correct' than the ones others have chosen for themselves. I think I’ve always
felt 'less' than people with degrees, children, husbands, money, holidays, good
looks, talents etc...I’ve often felt I 'should be' doing things or 'should
have' things but haven’t due to my own failings - but in all this
self-criticism, I’ve often lost sight of myself or my achievements/goals.
- Use your lifesavers - knowing
what helps ME to get through - what resources, which people, which activities
(and similarly which don’t help). For me, cross stitch and other crafts are
HUGE lifesavers. It’s amazing how quickly an enforced period of 'rest' can pass
when I’ve got a cross stitch on the go, or a card making mission. I’m also
fortunate to have a great group of friends and family whom, on many occasions
have saved my life!
- Be aware of sabotage - self or
otherwise - things I, or others do, to resist entering a challenge or carrying
it through. For example, if I gain weight my automatic reaction is to want to
lose it again or if I eat something which I feel is 'too much', I want to
compensate for this. These are acts which sabotage my recovery and thus need
avoiding at all costs. Sadly
although eating disorder units can be full of support from peers who
'understand' or are 'living shared experiences', it
can also be a highly competitive/resentful place too and occasionally people
may want to sabotage others in order to make themselves feel/look like they are
doing better than they possibly are.
- Discover your anchors - knowing
what helps 'ground me' in times of unavoidable distress, what will calm me and
keep me going in the best direction. Again this might be doing crafts or
chatting to good relations or simply spending an hour with a good book and a
relaxing bath!
- Focus on your treasures - never
forgetting the good things which will come from the hard work and discomfort
(something I find hard to do at times!). Throughout my journey with
recovery/relapses, I’ve always had some sense of what I’m 'doing it for' - what
I want from life, but when times get tough/it feels too hard to go forward
anymore or even cope with the discomfort of 'now', these can go amiss.
- Sail away from safe shores -
knowing that I’ve got to change and that change is ok, without change, I will
not get the treasures I seek. Stop denying the problem, know it can improve.
I really enjoyed creating this
piece, I have a soft spot for 'nautical but nice' patterns (and can often be
found wearing the colours
myself) and it was nice to go on a button hunt for the cause too!
Another poignant thing
about my choice of 'nautical' on this piece, is that I grew up on Barry
Island and still very much enjoy a stroll along the harbour, it feels very
tranquil and calming there. Plus, as this year’s 'Mental Health Awareness Week'
theme is 'Mindfulness', a beach stroll seems a fitting way to be 'mindful'
by soaking up the sights, sounds and smells which this environment
offers."
14. Jackie Wilson
“My square outlines the effects of a young carer
(aged 11 years and the teenager and the so called grown up)... And how she has
struggled over the years with confidence and being liked even though she's now
a mum and granny ...
Mum died of Cancer aged 42 leaving 8 children ....”
15. Natalie McCulloch
"I
chose to do a recipe/spell themed fairy cross stitch for several reasons, and
with great thanks to one of Stitching Out Stigma's key supporters, Cross Stitch
Crazy magazine, for the pattern of the fairy.
Why
a fairy? Throughout various stages of my illness I have wished for a 'magic
wand', or indeed I’ve been told 'If only I had a magic wand' from people who
want to 'make me better' (As well as, I confess, feeling I’m away with the
fairies at times, or wishing I was...!). Sadly, as much as I’d like to believe
it was a possibility, there isn’t such a thing as a magic wand to wave my ills
away or change my thoughts to healthier ones.
"I
wish I could accept gaining weight, or see it as positive restoration"
"I
wish I didn’t feel envious of others to the point of self-sabotage, isolation
or resentment"
"I
wish I could enjoy resting and eating nice things without crippling guilt"
I
am still not 100% sure what the 'solutions' are, but I guess all I can do is
work hard and hope that daily bits of magic combined with the 'key ingredients'
I mentioned (and others), will help me make more of myself than I currently am.
But, as mentioned every individual is different, so every spell needs to be
too!
The
recipe/spell idea is something which lots of places use - I often see
'recipe/spell for happiness/health/love...' posters about, but this is my
personal one. It’s two-fold also, because it is common for people with eating
disorders to enjoy, or do, baking/cooking often, sadly I am not blessed with
this talent, nor do I enjoy it. In fact, during a treatment I had, baking
group/cooking sessions, were cause of much anxiety, tears and tantrums for me
(as my fellow 'inmates' will recall I’m sure!!) So again, this suggests that we
cannot simply 'stamp a stereotype' on someone with a disorder, as, ironically,
one size simply cannot fit all.
To
add the 'finishing touches' I used a few embellishments - the butterfly (a sign
of spreading wings to freedom), hearts (because a little love - self or
otherwise, goes a long way) and the 'keep calm and craft on border' because
keeping calm and craft can both be therapeutic, I’ve found!
I
really enjoyed doing this piece, although I criticise its imperfections, I feel
pleased to have completed another square for SOS."
18. Natalie McCulloch
"My
first cross stitch piece for SOS is quite wordy. As those who know me will
probably agree, I’m often not short of a word or two to babble off, regardless
of the sense of it all!
I
chose to divide the cross stitch piece into two. This is because I often feel
I’m in 'two minds' - a healthy one and a less healthy one. And one side is more
'recovery-geared'/'lighter' and 'hopeful' with all the pleasurable things and
desires I possess. The other is somewhat 'darker', 'gloomier' and more
'distress signalling'. The tape measure border lines the gloomier side, because
this is how I feel measuring myself by such 'inadequate measures' as
shape/weight, is. After all - what does the number on the scales or the
measurement of a body part, say about a person, really? It doesn’t show who
they are, who they can be, what they value or strive for. The border on the
other side is far more 'happy' and 'hopeful' suggesting 'dreams can come true'
and re-instilling the need for goals and positivity.
The
quote I used was by Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu and, to me, represents the
need, sometimes, to not think too far into the future (as this can be scary and
daunting as to put you off from even making an initial bit of progress), but to
think of one smaller way to make a difference or one smaller change - which,
hopefully, will all amount to a greater (excuse the irony) gain eventually.
I
am fairly pleased with the overall piece I created, although I could (and have
done) easily criticise things I failed to mention on it or the neatness. I
enjoyed engaging in the creation of the piece, and hope it gives a small
'window' into the two extremes of an eating disordered mind-set."
21. Natalie McCulloch
HOW ARE YOU?
“I
created this piece to represent how often the answers we give to questions such
as 'how are you?' lack actual validity. They are socially constructed 'polite'
responses, they are 'protective' responses to protect ourselves and others,
they are 'what we think others want to hear', they are 'rushed' responses, they
are 'socially acceptable' - but they are not always true. Equally, when others
say to use we look 'fine, ok, well' etc., it doesn’t necessary mean what we
interpret it to.
I had the
pleasure of meeting a lovely lady from Poland, during a recent hospital
admission, who explained to me how, in her culture, when someone asks 'How are
you?’ they actually want a response/wait for a response. She was shocked how,
in our culture, quite often it is just 'something we say' without necessarily
waiting for, or wanting an honest response. It does pose the question - why we
ask it, if we do not 'care' to listen to the response. But it did make me
realise how frequently I do it...
I also
acknowledge that I find the comment 'You look well' hard to hear as it makes me
feel people are saying 'you've gained weight, we can see it' or 'you should
have your life sorted if you look well'. Which is an eye opening acknowledgment
in itself. I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling, but it is something I’d
like to challenge.
I really
enjoyed doing this piece, it was very therapeutic to 'get it out' of my head. I
did criticise how I didn’t plan it, had to 'Google' words beginning with
certain letters which my vocabulary didn’t extend to and I also criticised the
'poor stitching'. But I did it regardless.
The
border is meant to be 'messy' to represent how 'messy' our emotions can be and
how seemingly 'messed up' our approach to them are too.”
23. Natalie and Hayley McCulloch
“The final piece added to the SOS display is very special to
me, it is the Audrey Hepburn image sporting the quote “nothing is impossible-
the very word says ‘I’m possible’”. I love this quote, as it’s both clever and
motivational too! I also love Audrey Hepburn – I think she is beautifully
elegant, talented and her love for others is honourable. Many people may just
know her to be the eye-catching actress in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – but it’s
worth noting that she was also a passionate humanitarian who supported
children’s charities across the globe and even set up her own children’s
charity too.
She once said “I speak for those children who cannot
speak for themselves, children who have absolutely nothing but their courage
and their smiles, their wits and their dreams.” I can’t help but feel this
quote is also powerful in terms of mental health conditions – sometimes we need
that ‘Audrey’ to speak for us, or help us speak out, to end the silence which stigma
can cause… And we also need to utilize our smiles, wit, dreams and courage to
help us stay strong during trying times. It also shows that people often have
deeper layers than others see – far from being just a beautiful talented
actress, she was many other wonderful things too.
Sometimes I fear stigma
originates from people failing to ‘look deeper’. Allow me to use personal
examples to elaborate: - just because
someone isn’t eating pudding – it doesn’t mean they’re on a diet; similarly
just because they’re a healthy weight it doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling
with eating issues. Just because someone doesn’t make small talk it doesn’t
mean they’re anti-social; if someone isn’t working it doesn’t mean they’re
lazy. Equally if someone smiles it doesn’t
mean they’re happy. As humans we are quite skilled at masking a range of
issues!
The quote is fabulous, it’s so
positive, and sometimes I think we need to believe that anything is possible,
in order to avoid spiraling into any dark thoughts.
I’m so pleased that Audrey made
it onto SOS – as she is one of my idols. However, the added importance of this
piece is that it was created by my wonderful sister, Hayley, as a birthday
surprise for me. And what a wonderful surprise it was too – I was amazed at how
perfectly she’d captured Audrey’s beauty through cross stitch and touched by
the thought, time and talent which had gone into it.
I won’t deny it was hard for me
to part with the piece, but I also feel so proud of Hayley for doing it and
proud of SOS as a whole – so it seemed a perfect way to fill the final gap and
a perfect home for Audrey! It was also hard decision to part with it as I
worried Hayley wouldn’t want it shown in SOS as she’s quite shy and very much
undervalues her work. I also worried that
she’d question whether I loved her gift to start with (I definitely do love it
– but I love it so much, it seems a shame to selfishly keep it to myself as opposed
to share it with everyone who will see SOS, and it seemed the perfect way to
rectify our ‘space’ issue on the display!).
I do think it looks really good
on the display however, and the powerful quote speaks volumes and almost
mirrors the stories which have come through since starting SOS – that anything
is possible.
I am trying to believe that
anything is possible for my own life as I often fear I’ve ‘messed everything
up/wasted too many years/I’m too old or stupid’, but perhaps If I start
thinking more positively, positive results may just happen…”
24. Natalie McCulloch
The Little Mermaid
Everyone
loves a Disney film! Right? Well, I certainly do and I thought I would show it
via stitching! The lyrics to this song seem very emotive to me -
"MAYBE
THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME" -
I have to question this about myself a lot, and sometimes I think I don’t
question it enough and I take my 'habitual behaviours' as 'the norm'.
"LOOKING
AROUND HERE YOU THINK SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING" - This is something which
people often say to me, that I always seem to 'relapse' when things are going
well, when I have, on the surface 'everything' going for me.
"BUT
WHO CARES, NO BIG DEAL, I WANT MORE" - I always want more, it’s never
enough, never good enough - I'm always HUNGRY for more in my life.
"I
WANNA BE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE" - This lyric relates to my loneliness, how
although my photos/statuses on Facebook will suggest I 'do a lot', most of the
time it is alone, and I don’t like this. I fear loneliness, yet somehow it
feels safer, at times, too.
"WANDERIN'
FREE" - everyone else seems to 'have it easy' at times, they seem to 'grow
up' easily, they seem to deal with hellish things with 'ease'. So I question,
what’s wrong with me that I struggle so much?!
"WISH
I COULD BE PART OF THAT WORLD" - I desperately want to mix with people
more, and reach certain goals.
I
enjoyed doing this piece, I am not sure whether it looks like 'Ariel and
Flounder' or whether I should have asked permission from 'DISNEY' - whether
this is something else I have done wrong....But I enjoyed doing the piece and I
do feel it is relative to my condition.
25. Jeanette
Llewellyn
"This hedgehog was
the first counted cross stitch I completed and started me on a journey that
brought xx loads of challenges which stopped me feeling depressed and gave me
something to enjoy. I have done plenty of cross stitches since, but it helps me
to keep focused."